Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos

Dearest Inhabitants of the Internet,

It is my great pleasure to inform you that, at long last, the planets have aligned, world peace has been achieved, and all is right in the Universe.

We have these to thank:

These are not just any ordinary Oreo--oh, no! These are the Oreo of all Oreos, the mothership of Nabisco delicacies. These are Red Velvet Oreos.

Not only are these gloriously perfect cookies gloriously perfect, they were recently chosen to pave the streets of Heaven. (Or was that Graceland? I can't remember. It doesn't matter. Anywho.)

These cookies are a magnificent marriage of cake and cookie, sweet chocolate, and smooth creme. They embody everything that every dessert ever strives to be.

They are perfection in a blue foil package.

I love them.

That being said, you won't like them at all. If you see them in your local stores, please buy them all and send them to me for proper disposal. And don't even think about trying to taste one of mine, because I have licked all of them and will infect you with my cooties.

Thank you for your cooperation.