Poop Muffins

These don't taste like poop, I promise. They're actually quite delicious. They get their name because after you make them you will try to eat them all, all at once, and that will cause you to.....well, you know.

This recipe was originally posted by Janet Kalman Villada on AllRecipes.com, but I've been making it for a few years and have made a point of not telling any of my friends I stole the recipe off the internet so they think I'm super-fantabulous and creative. (This is a fully acceptable gameplan, as, clearly, I am not fantabulous enough to be considered super-fantabulous without a non-stolen poop muffin recipe.)

First thing you gotta do is round up your ingredients.

1 1/2 cups bran
1 cup buttermilk
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 egg
2/3 cup brown sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
Toilet paper

Before we get started, let's talk about bran.

I'm sure you could use, like, actual bran, but ain't nobody got time for that. We use cereal. But not that All-Bran crap, because, yaknow, we want to crap not to eat crap. Instead we use bran flakes. But not the kind with raisins, because raisins are what happens to old grapes when they die, and that's disgusting. (Unless they're in oatmeal raisin cookies, which is the only acceptable use for dead grapes.) So grab yourself a box of cheap old-person cereal and let's get started.

Dump your cheap old-person cereal in a giant bowl and cover it in buttermilk. Try to trick your roommate into taking a great big whiff of buttermilk and then watch him gag. Do that for ten minutes while the cereal gets mushy.

If you get tired of messing with your roommate (and/or he gets tired of you messing with him and locks you out, which is also a possibility) you can beat together the oil, egg, brown sugar, and vanilla while you wait.

Once your cereal has become adequately mushy and glop-like...

...stir in the sugar mixture.

In another bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt.

Add the flour mixture to the cereal-and-sugar glop and stir a little bit, but not too much.

(How's that specificity for you?)

Spoon your poop muffin batter into a muffin tin and bake at 375 for 15-20 minutes.

At this point your kitchen should start to fill with an undeniable scent, but before you go grab the matches (from underneath the macrame turtle....anybody???), I'd like to point out that it isn't the smell of poop, but of delectable baked goods.

When the muffins are doneish (stick a toothpick in the middle to check for doneishness--if it doesn't come out wet and gloopy, it's doneish) take them out of the oven and salivate while they cool.

Once the muffins have reached a non-scorching temperature, dig in. But maybe just start with one. You did buy toilet paper, right? Right?

Happy Pooping!

These muffins were caught chillin' at Eat Drink & Be Mary's Delicious Dish Tuesday Linkup. Go check out the lovely ladies and their less poopy recipes there!

These muffins were also featured by Alesha at Full Time Mama! Eeeee!